Posted by : Elliot Morrow 19 February 2012

So we're nearly one week removed from Valentine's Day; or as I like to call it, 'Singles Awareness Day'.
Did we all have fun? How many cards/roses/blowjobs did we get? Okay, so don't count the blowjobs, I don't want to offend the ladies. Actually, that might be why I don't have a girlfriend.




But to me, Valentine's Day is a day for females, not males. I mean what does the male species actually get out of it? We spend hundreds on a ring, or a necklace, or a new vibrating dildo, and what do we get in return? Absolutely nothing. A guy spends more money on Valentine's Day for his lady than he will on her birthday, FACT. I made that up.


Then there's the people who aren't in a relationship, and I'm pretty sure the majority of them are on Twitter. It was pandemonium last Tuesday, no word of a lie. The amount of tweets dedicated to complaining about not having someone to cuddle, or kiss, or give a blowjob to was astronomical.


For those of you who didn't know what that last word meant.

BUT NOT TO WORRY SINGLE MEN! I have to say men, if you're a single lady on Valentine's Day you've missed your chance, wait another year and stop complaining on Twitter, no one is going to re-tweet you. 
Right, so I'll start again with my grand build up now that I've cleared up any sexism issues. 

BUT NOT TO WORRY SINGLE MEN! STEAK AND BLOWJOB DAY IS HERE! Yes, you heard right, a STEAK and a BLOWJOB. In the SAME FREAKING DAY.

Yeah, I know.

You're probably wondering why I said single men above. I know I can hear you now:
"Steak and blowjob day is only for men in a relationship, surely? Could it be that even if I'm single I'll still get a perfectly cooked steak and a blowjob? IN THE SAME FREAKING DAY?"
Just hold up, don't get ahead of yourself. I said single men because you've now got an extra month to find a partner and receive the glorious gifts on said day. That's a WHOLE month; because Steak and Blowjob Day is exactly one month after Valentine's Day. Obviously.

If it is... she's a keeper.

So, us males have our day, you females have yours. And just to make it perfectly clear:
Valentine's Day - Females
Steak and Blowjob Day - Males

So stop reading and find yourself a lady! Or (if you're that way inclined) a man! Whichever gender you're into, make sure they can cook a steak to perfection.


Thanks for reading! Feel free to kick up a storm on my Twitter:
@EJMozza

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